January 16th, 2024

It's been over a month since I've posted. I've had depression most of my adult life. It is a chemical imbalance that is regulated by medicine and 99% of the time I can function like a "normal" adult. However, there are times when life gets to be too much. Last month we struggled as a family as one of our dogs got sick. Due to financial reasons, we had to surrender him to the animal shelter. They performed surgery on him, but he lost the battle. This took over two weeks to play out. As a mom watching your children's heart be broken is the most gut wrenching thing. I also was dealing with grief of losing my grandma and a miscarriage that occurred 14 years ago. It amazes me that something that occurred so long ago can still affect us. I truly wanted to just lay in bed and forget about the Christmas season this year. Yet in my depression, my sadness, my broken-hearted state, God blessed me. He blessed me with an amazing Christmas Eve worshiping Him and family time. During our Christmas Eve service we were reminded that Jesus came for us. He was born in a manager, lived a perfect life and was led to the cross as my sacrifice, everyone's sacrifice. A sacrifice that allows me a relationship with God., allows me to go to Heaven one day, and a life with forgiveness in it. What a blessing! I was also reminded that this life has tears, depression, and pain. Yet one day, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).

Even though I was depressed, God was faithful. He gave me family, friends, and an amazing counselor to help point me to God. I didn't stay in the pit of despair. By God's love, I was able to get back up and begin again.