It's been over a month since I've posted. I've had depression most of my adult life. It is a chemical imbalance that is regulated by medicine and 99% of the time I can function like a "normal" adult. However, there are times when life gets to be too much. Last month we struggled as a family as one of our dogs got sick. Due to financial reasons, we had to surrender him to the animal shelter. They performed surgery on him, but he lost the battle. This took over two weeks to play out. As a mom watching your children's heart be broken is the most gut wrenching thing. I also was dealing with grief of losing my grandma and a miscarriage that occurred 14 years ago. It amazes me that something that occurred so long ago can still affect us. I truly wanted to just lay in bed and forget about the Christmas season this year. Yet in my depression, my sadness, my broken-hearted state, God blessed me. He blessed me with an amazing Christmas Eve worshiping Him and family time. During our Christmas Eve service we were reminded that Jesus came for us. He was born in a manager, lived a perfect life and was led to the cross as my sacrifice, everyone's sacrifice. A sacrifice that allows me a relationship with God., allows me to go to Heaven one day, and a life with forgiveness in it. What a blessing! I was also reminded that this life has tears, depression, and pain. Yet one day, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
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Throughout my life I have been taught and I have believed that God is omnipresent (always present), omnipotent (all powerful), and omniscient (all knowing). When we read the Word, Jeremiah 23:24 tells us, "Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not I fill heaven and earth?" Also, Psalm 139: 7-10 tells us, "Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me." These two verses among many others point to God being everywhere at once and always everywhere. However, throughout the years I have been told that God isn't in Hell. Yet this goes against God being omnipresent. I questioned how can God be in Hell, yet isn't Hell the absence of God? Romans 1: 18-19 tells us, "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them." Another verse 2 Thessalonians 1:9 states, "They will suffer punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might." Looking at Revelation 14:10-11, we read, "he also will drink the wine of God's wrath, poured full strength into the cup of his anger, and he will be tormented with fire and sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb." These three verses gives us a different picture than God not being in Hell. It actually shows God is in Hell, but not his perfect love and kindness, but rather His wrath and anger. What a scary picture this paints! I think of how I have felt when someone has released their anger on me. I wanted to shy away from the person. I wanted to fix what I had broken. I wanted to apologize and move on. Yet, this is a small fraction of what a terrible ordeal Hell will be for those who turn away from God. God not being in Hell was sad thought for me. Yet an even scarier thought is God's wrath and anger being poured out to those in Hell. This fact in another great reason to share the love of Jesus with everyone. We see in the book of Luke chapter 16 verses 19-31 that the rich man goes to Hell and Lazarus goes to Heaven. This story tells us that it is our job to share the good news because there is no going back once we are dead. So the next time you feel tempted to walk away from sharing God's promise to someone, remember this is their only chance. Tomorrow is not promised. My friend and I were out to dinner the other day. We were studying God's Word and talking about the end times. We started looking into the original meaning of the words and I came across the verse Psalms 25:14, which states, "The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear Him, and He makes known to them His covenant." When I started looking at the meanings of the words, known in the original Hebrew is defined as a great variety of senses, figuratively, literally, including observations, care, recognition, instructions, designation, and punishment. It also means to be advise, answer, cause to discern, make known and so much more. In this one verse, we, as believers are promised to have God's covenants, His promised revealed to us. Not only revealed to us but make us intimately known of His promises. To get this intimate knowledge the verse tells us we only need to be in a friendship with the Lord.
As a believer for most of my life, churches have never really taught looking into the original languages for the meaning of the words. A few pastors have talked about the original languages, but that's as far as it goes. The free app e-Sword allows you to go verse by verse, word by word to look up the original words. What an amazing blessing it is to live in a world where we can look up these words to find out their meanings. For example, our word love is only one word. In Greek there are four words to describe the word love. When we read our Bibles today, we may not get the full picture of what was truly being expressed. If one word has such a beautiful meaning in the Psalms verse, think of how many other words have deeper meanings. God opening up His covenants to us is amazing. But when I read that God wants me to fully experience His covenants including advising me and giving me discernment that verse means so much more. I may not understand why churches and leaders do not encourage us to look deeper into the meanings of the original texts, but I do know that I am going to start digging deeper. I am going to encourage those around me to look deeper into the words. God's Word comes more alive to me as I begin to understand His full love and promises are for me. As I grow in understanding, my relationship with God grows. This relationship allows me to praise Him in the good and bad. Throughout the last 12 plus years, I have had a rare eye disease called Parsplantitis. It's so rare that when I was diagnosis with it, the only place I could get information was on rarediseases.com. To even get to the diagnosis stage, I was first diagnosis with cataracts in both eyes. I had surgery on both eyes and then was referred to a retina specialist. The doctor was honest with me and said there was no cure and that it was his job to get me through the 10 - 20 year journey without losing my eye sight. I have had cataracts surgery in both eyes, secondary cataracts in one eye, glaucoma surgery twice in one eye, retina detachment surgery twice in one eye, laser surgery (which is a laser frying holes into my eye) in both eyes, a band around one eye and multiple shots as well as many medicines. God has given me strength I didn't know I had. I have experienced the worst pain in my life through some of these surgeries. I would have to travel to Colorado sometimes on a weekly basis to ensure my eyes didn't get worse. I ended up with anxiety and superstition around going to the doctor. I couldn't sit in a chair where I got bad new, and wouldn't allow the people who took me to park in spots where I got bad news from prior appointments. These "safe" spots were hard to find because I often got more bad new than good news. I've had panic attacks when I couldn't remember where not to sit. I've had to call family members for them to calm me down before appointments. I had a bathroom at each doctor's office where I would allow myself to cry when I got bad news.
But God was always faithful. This last appointment I was told that my eye disease has burned itself out. My doctor says he believes he got me through the swamp with my eye sight. I never thought I would hear that I was done with my eye disease. It was a true miracle from God. Along with my eyes being healed, God healed me from my anxiety, which I didn't realize until I got into my friend's car. I didn't worry about where I sat or where she parked. During the appointment, i realized that I had a peace about my appointment that I haven't had before. God is faithful in the storm and out of the storm. God healed my eyes and my anxiety. Whenever I got scared, experienced pain, or got overwhelmed I turned to God. The song that got me through was "You Are My All in All" by Dennis Jernigan. Feel free to listen to it here. https://youtu.be/lie1L61Qnos?si=M4oIsn3ZfewN_2kH Blessings, Jenn Life has not been easy for me. I was in an abusive relationship. I've been financially broke. I've been considered homeless by the world, although I was living with a family member. I have a rare incurable eye disease. I've lost important relationships including church, family, and friends over choices I've made including to follow God's direction in my life. I could go on and on with the tough situations I've experienced. But I don't choose to dwell on them. However while being in one or more of those situations at a time, I've felt a like a modern day Job. In the Bible, Job lost everything from his children, to his job, to friends and his health. When life got to hard to handle, I would say I was a modern day Job. It was out of self pity and complaining. Yet God blessed me in my self-wallowing hole because every time I would feel that way I'd go read Job. Then the blessing would come. Throughout the book you see that the Satan approaches God and says the only reason Job is faithful is because he has so many blessings. The Satan continues on and says if he didn't have so much, he would never follow you. God tells Satan Job is a "blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil" (Job 1:8). Throughout the book God and Satan have a conversation about why Job was faithful to God and each time God allows Satan to take more and more away from Job. Yet Job continues to be faithful. This book is a blessing to me for two main reasons. First because God is Job's corner the entire time. He is cheering him on from heaven and knows Job's heart. Second because I see how Job remains faithful to God through the toughest of times. So today and everyday I am reminded that God is my cheerleader. He may be silent, but he never turns His back on His people. Now when I am struggling, I go to Job for the story that helps me stay the course and push on through my difficult situations. In this story and until the end of time, Satan doesn't win to those who remain faithful to God. God is triumphant! In the end, God is triumphant over all. He crushes Satan and binds him into the lake of fire for all of eternity. While His followers enjoy the blessings of a new Heaven and a new Earth in the never-ending glory of God.
God loves me so much, that the smallest details in my life are important to Him. My yard this summer was a weed jungle rather than a nicely mowed yard. My dogs were not impressed by the end of the summer with how high the weeds were. Although I knew my yard needed worked on, it continually moved to the bottom of the priority list. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that my yard was mowed front and back. I woke up so excited that I even looked out my window to see if it was actually mowed. No luck! :( However, two days later I came home and my entire lawn was mowed, weed wacked, and raked! I was so excited! I ran into the house and thanked my son for mowing the yard. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. He has slept the entire afternoon away. I never found out who mowed my yard. I know it was a blessing from God. The little detail in my life like a mowed yard was important to God. I've included a picture of my dog, Winnie. She was so happy to run and play in a mowed yard.
While driving to work this week, I asked God to reveal to me what he wanted me to share on the blog. because honestly I had no clue what to write. i want to follow God's prompting in this blog and I want be honest and authentic. Not just posting for postings sake. God answered me in less than a half an hour. What an amazing God we serve!
There is a situation that occurred at another school in a different district. I only knew what occurred through the newspaper and then a little bit of details from someone involved in the situation. I judged this person and harshly at that. I knew it wasn't right and reached out to a friend to discuss my judgement and help me to show grace. It wasn't an easy conversation and honestly I put it on the back burner. I didn't really think or pray on it except for the few days after it occurred. Fast forward to this week, and God let me show grace to this person. A person I judged unfairly in my mind. We sat and spoke for over thirty minutes. I was able to listen to her and talk through a difficult situation she's experienced. I was able to remind her that it wasn't her fault and she was doing her best. I was able to help her show herself grace and forgiveness. My heart changed in that 30 minutes. God came into my heart and allowed me to open my heart and mind to her situation. That thirty minutes was a blessing from God. He sent His Spirit into my heart that day and softened it. When we are open to hearing from God, He answers us in mighty ways. I had a choice last week. I could have chosen to just move on with the morning not pausing to listen. Yet, I was listening to God's pushing to stop and talk. I know judging someone is against the will of God. In Luke 6: 37-38 it tells us, "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give and it will be given to you. Good measure, press down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Forgiveness, grace and love are not always easy. That's when we go before God and ask Him to guide us and show us the way. He is faithful and will answer our prayers. As a teacher I deal with all sorts of students, co-workers, and parents. Last week, someone asked me if I love the behaviors out of my students. My answer was that it is my goal to show my students unconditional love no matter what they do or say, but fail more than I'd like to admit. As I pondered on their question throughout the day, I realized that Jesus loves the sin right out of us. Jesus loves us so much that He lived a perfect life, died a terrible death, endured hell, and was separated from His Father. He did that for me, even though He knew that I'm not perfect. He offered Himself to us all, although the world shuns Him, kills, murders, destroys His creation and so many other little and big sins. He offered not only me, but everyone the gift of salvation. Ephesians 2:8 states, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a result of works, so no one can boast" (ESV). This gift of salvation is free. We just need to take hold of that gift and the Holy Spirit will plant the seed of faith into our hearts. The gift of salvation puts my name in the Book of LIfe. The gift of salvation allows me to stand before God on judgement day knowing although I'm not perfect, I get to go to Heaven by the blood of Jesus. The gift of salvation now guides me to love the unlovable, to forgive seven times seven, to not judge but to show grace. Now although not perfect, my goal is to let the love of Jesus flow from me out onto others to help reveal the gift of salvation.
As a Christian we hear that we are hypocrites. We expect perfection. We don't sin or look at our own sin, but we focus on other's sin. Yet, God calls us to be a light in the darkness. We are called to be an example. But what happens when we sin? What happens when we wrong someone? God tells us in James 5:16, "Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed" (ESV). Today my anger got the best of me at school and I yelled. It was the kind of yelling that did not allow me to show the love of Jesus, but rather the ugly side my human sinful side. I quickly felt guilty. I knew I had a choice to make. I could just move on with my day or I could apologize. The easy way would be to just move on, but I am I obeying God by not asking for forgiveness? Am I being a good example of a Christian by losing my temper and then just moving on? No I wouldn't be a good example. So I went to the classroom where I yelled at the students and apologized. I explained that I lost my temper and was not being respectful. Was it easy? No it wasn't but I knew God desires I confess me sins to those I wrong, even if that means 20 students. My goal next time is to show the love of Jesus, even when I'm frustrated or angered. I challenge you to do the same, even when it's difficult. How can you let your light shine in the darkness this week? Hi there! I'm Jenn and love Jesus. This blog is to reveal God's truth in every day situations that I experience. I have had a tough life, yet I know that God is my guiding force through it all. Jeremiah 29:11-13 states, " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart " (ESV). These verses have guided me through the hard times and the good times. I know God has a purpose in my life and it is for His good. His plan. He tells us His ways are not our ways and I need to remind myself of this daily and challenges and changes arise. God has been calling me to write this blog for a long time and I have always made excuses. "I'm too busy." "I'm not qualified." "I'm divorced and a sinner." Yet I'm reminded that God does not call the qualified, rather he qualifies the called. So here I am following God's calling. I'm stepping out if faith. I'm excited to see where this journey, God called me on, is going to take me.
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AuthorI am a follower of Jesus. I am a single mom of two amazing teenagers and 3 furbabies. My goal is to live out Jesus' love through my life in everyday situations. I also want to bring God's saving truth to others. Archives
January 2024
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