Throughout the last 12 plus years, I have had a rare eye disease called Parsplantitis. It's so rare that when I was diagnosis with it, the only place I could get information was on rarediseases.com.  To even get to the diagnosis stage, I was first diagnosis with cataracts in both eyes. I had surgery on both eyes and then was referred to a retina specialist. The doctor was honest with me and said there was no cure and that it was his job to get me through the 10 - 20 year journey without losing my eye sight.  I have had cataracts surgery in both eyes, secondary cataracts in one eye, glaucoma surgery twice in one eye, retina detachment surgery twice in one eye, laser surgery  (which is a laser frying holes into my eye) in both eyes, a band around one eye and multiple shots as well as many medicines. God has given me strength I didn't know I had. I have experienced the worst pain in my life through some of these surgeries. I would have to travel to Colorado sometimes on a weekly basis to ensure my eyes didn't get worse. I ended up with anxiety and superstition around going to the doctor. I couldn't sit in a chair where I got bad new, and wouldn't allow the people who took me to park in spots where I got bad news from prior appointments. These "safe" spots were hard to find because I often got more bad new than good news. I've had panic attacks when I couldn't remember where not to sit. I've had to call family members for them to calm me down before appointments. I had a bathroom at each doctor's office where I would allow myself to cry when I got bad news.

But God was always faithful. This last appointment I was told that my eye disease has burned itself out. My doctor says he believes he got me through the swamp with my eye sight.  I never thought I would hear that I was done with my eye disease. It was a true miracle from God. Along with my eyes being healed, God healed me from my anxiety, which I didn't realize until I got into my friend's car. I didn't worry about where I sat or where she parked. During the appointment, i realized that I had a peace about my appointment that I haven't had before. God is faithful in the storm and out of the storm. God healed my eyes and my anxiety.  Whenever I got scared, experienced pain, or got overwhelmed I turned to God. The song that got me through was "You Are My All in All" by Dennis Jernigan. Feel free to listen to it here.

https://youtu.be/lie1L61Qnos?si=M4oIsn3ZfewN_2kH

​Blessings, Jenn

Life has not been easy for me. I was in an abusive relationship. I've been financially broke. I've been considered homeless by the world, although I was living with a family member. I have a rare incurable eye disease.  I've lost important relationships including church, family, and friends over choices I've made including to follow God's direction in my life. I could go on and on with the tough situations I've experienced. But I don't choose to dwell on them. However while being in one or more of those situations at a time, I've felt a like a modern day Job. In the Bible, Job lost everything from his children, to his job, to friends and his health.  When life got to hard to handle, I would say I was a modern day Job. It was out of self pity and complaining. Yet God blessed me in my self-wallowing hole because every time I would feel that way I'd go read Job. Then the blessing would come. Throughout the book you see that the Satan approaches God and says the only reason Job is faithful is because he has so many blessings. The Satan continues on and says if he didn't have so much, he would never follow you. God tells Satan Job is a "blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil" (Job 1:8).  Throughout the book God and Satan have a conversation about why Job was faithful to God and each time God allows Satan to take more and more away from Job. Yet Job continues to be faithful. This book is a blessing to me for two main reasons. First because God is Job's corner the entire time. He is cheering him on from heaven and knows Job's heart. Second because I see  how Job remains faithful to God through the toughest of times. So today and everyday I am reminded that God is my cheerleader. He may be silent, but he never turns His back on His people. Now when I am struggling, I go to Job for the story that helps me stay the course and push on through my difficult situations. In this story and until the end of time, Satan doesn't win to those who remain faithful to God. God is triumphant! In the end, God is triumphant over all. He crushes Satan and binds him into the lake of fire for all of eternity. While His followers enjoy the blessings of a new Heaven and a new Earth in the never-ending glory of God.  

God loves me so much, that the smallest details in my life are important to Him. My yard this summer was a weed jungle rather than a nicely mowed yard. My dogs were not impressed by the end of the summer with how high the weeds were. Although I knew my yard needed worked on, it continually moved to the bottom of the priority list. A few weeks ago, I had a dream that my yard was mowed front and back. I woke up so excited that I even looked out my window to see if it was actually mowed. No luck! :( However, two days later I came home and my entire lawn was mowed, weed wacked, and raked! I was so excited! I ran into the house and thanked my son for mowing the yard. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. He has slept the entire afternoon away.  I never found out who mowed my yard. I know it was a blessing from God. The little detail in my life like a mowed yard was important to God. I've included a picture of my dog, Winnie. She was so happy to run and play in a mowed yard.  

While driving to work this week, I asked God to reveal to me what he wanted me to share on the blog. because honestly I had no clue what to write. i want to follow God's prompting in this blog and I want be honest and authentic. Not just posting for postings sake. God answered me in less than a half an hour. What an amazing God we serve!

There is a situation that occurred at another school in a different district. I only knew what occurred through the newspaper and then a little bit of details from someone involved in the situation. I judged this person and harshly at that. I knew it wasn't right and reached out to a friend to discuss my judgement and help me to show grace. It wasn't an easy conversation and honestly I put it on the back burner. I didn't really think or pray on it except for the few days after it occurred.

Fast forward to this week, and God let me show grace to this person. A person I judged unfairly in my mind. We sat and spoke for over thirty minutes. I was able to listen to her and talk through a difficult situation she's experienced. I was able to remind her that it wasn't her fault and she was doing her best. I was able to help her show herself grace and forgiveness. My heart changed in that 30 minutes.  God came into my heart and allowed me to open my heart and mind to her situation. That thirty minutes was a blessing from God. He sent His Spirit into my heart that day and softened it. 

When we are open to hearing from God, He answers us in mighty ways. I had a choice last week. I could have chosen to just move on with the morning not pausing to listen. Yet, I was listening to God's pushing to stop and talk. 

I know judging someone is against the will of God. In Luke 6: 37-38 it tells us, "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give and it will be given to you. Good measure, press down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." Forgiveness, grace and love are not always easy. That's when we go before God and ask Him to guide us and show us the way. He is faithful and will answer our prayers.